Saturday, December 4, 2010

Movies

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010) This is the way to make a brainless action spectacle. Get the narration over with in less than a minute. Don't do anything twice. Make your whirling wireframe computer models absurdly vast, and make them move the story forward, not be some little gimmick that two guys stand next to talking. Include an army of Milla Jovovich clones in skintight vinyl. Provide a gigantic zombie-crushing supertruck, BUT DON'T ACTUALLY USE IT. Remember that audiences don't want to see more than one minute of people standing around talking at a time. Use special effects to actually do something, not to interrupt the story with a "look what I can do" moment over and over again. For what it is, 10/10

This is the way to do it.

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