HISTORY'S GREATEST SECRET REVEALED!!

I was very happy to find a fascinating page on The Discovery and Demonstration of the Minoan Calendar, describing the work of Drs. Dempsey and Herberger in bringing the ancient Minoan Calendrical system to light.  You can enjoy it in detail on your own time but I have another, bigger secret to reveal here.  The Drs. were so struck by the "visual problems and broken patterns" in the decorative borders of a wall-painting that they settled down to crack the code contained therein and at last discovered the Minoan Calender.  It's pretty impressive how well concealed it is and how much analysis and diagramming must be done to pry that secret out of ancient dead hands.  So I printed out a copy of their work and got in my time machine and went back to Knossos when they were just finishing up the painting and showed it to them and they were like this:

I do not mean any disrespect toward Drs. Dempsey and Herberger or their work. But just look at the calendar on your own wall for a second and THINK ABOUT IT. They are what I have come to call Overanalysts, and I have been enjoying the work of Overanalysts for many years. There is a guy who carefully measured and diagrammed all the standing stone rings and lines he could find in Celtic Britain and Europe, and found that they were meticulously laid out in a highly complicated secret geometry.  There is an offshoot of the Holy Blood Holy Grail myth which shows that the seemingly decorative carvings in an obscure chapel in Britain conceal secret knowledge encoded in waveforms revealed by vibrations in metal plates of specific size and thickness - I swear this is true, they really did seem to find this evidence.  The interior structures of The Great Pyramid were found to precisely diagram the prophecies of the biblical Book of Revelations, up to World War One or so, and then it all had to be revised or forgotten.  Another scholar found that the temple sculptures of  the Roman Mithraic cult symbolize the interrelations between the constellations of the stellar sphere as viewed from the outside.

It's true that there are artists and craftsmen who are initiates into Ancient Brotherhoods and devote their skills to encoding the Secret Knowledge in complex diagrams, and they do Great Work.  Those people are very few and rare.  The work of Overanalysts starts at the opposite end of that process, with a picture or a series of carvings; it measures and compares, analyzes and ponders with a dozen books on the table, astrological and qabalistic diagrams on the wall and a three foot tall brass orrery showing the positions of all the planets except Pluto at any point in time.  If they didn't find a remarkable hidden secret with all their dedication and resources that would be a real shame and they would have wasted years of work. The thing is, these people are looking at art through the eyes of science, informed by scholarship and research.  They are not thinking with an artist's mind.  I have an artist's mind, and I also know quite a bit about science, scholarship and research, and human nature to boot.  That is why I am uniquely able to reveal to you History's Greatest Secret, regarding the encoded mysteries concealed in the works of craftsmen throughout history.

SOMETIMES WE JUST EYEBALL IT.

Sometimes we just start at one end and go to the other end and when we get there we stop.  If it looks okay then we do another part.  We stick the bull in the middle and arrange the two figures so the composition is balanced and try to get it done before time to knock off work and go home.  Sometimes we just stand the stones up in what looks like a pretty good circle or a fairly straight line and not worry too much about it.  We  carve what looks like a pretty even pattern and figure nobody is really going to be looking too closely.  We put three leaves on one side of a plant and five leaves on the other side because it looks better that way, not because there is a secret message we want to convey.  

So, I congratulate the Overanalysts of the world on their discoveries, and I like to think of the craftsmen and laborers who did the work, and what their ideas and lives and concerns were, and it is fun to think about.