Movies

The Secret (2006) This is the most unintentionally hilarious movie I have ever seen. The insanely overproduced opening sequence, in which absolutely everything rushes, whooshes, clangs and booms, is a howl a second, and the rest of the film maintains a steady pace of atrocious absurdities. It goes from simple common sense one moment, to headsmacking non sequitur or astonishing obvious bullshit the next. Authority figures with lots of letters after their names to show how much they know, with professional titles like Visionary and Quantum Physicist, babble modernized versions of old-timey positive/magical thinking rants, illustrated by infomercial-class "examples" of success and failure like how locking your bike makes it get stolen. I love the way thoughts explode out of your head like lightwaves to cover the entire earth and whoosh out into the universe, to make what you want appear at your door. Hucksters of all varieties explain how they make parking spots and million-dollar checks appear just by thinking about them. In spite of its absolute idiocy I still found myself propagandized by it, actually applying its happiness-oriented visualization techniques the moment I awoke this morning. That's good mind-control, when you're laughing at its stupidity yet still doing it. A timeless classic. 10/10

Movies

The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009) I laughed all the way through this weird witty story about military efforts to develop an army of psychic warriors, and was strangely inspired by the brief documentary interviewing some of the participants in the actual events on which it was based. I appreciated the way the main character's voiceover comments were mostly lame pop culture comparisons, exposing his impoverished mental landscape. I'd watch George Clooney in almost anything, even a Coen Brothers film - he is a master of deadpan comedy, having the ability to say and do the most absurd things with a straight face. This movie was Donna's choice and it was a good one. 8/10

The Abbott and Costello project continues with Comin' Round the Mountain (1951), a hillbilly farce which I seem to have seen at a holiday kiddie matinee in Honolulu Hawaii in 1962 or 63 - I could only ever remember one scene from that movie and recognised it in this. It also marks my earliest exposure to the acting talents of Robert Easton. For a cartoonish hillbilly film it is surprisingly good - I had always avoided it when it came on television because of a natural dislike for the hillbilly motif. Lou finds he is heir to the honor and hidden treasure of a hillbilly clan. I was very surprised at how interesting and entertaining I found it despite the novelty stylings of Dorothy Shay the Park Avenue Hillbilly. The boys are stars of their own film, looking a bit distinguished at this point, and carry it off well, with Lou showing a surprise talent for percussion. Lost In Alaska (1952) is another story, and a poor one. As supporting characters to Tom Ewell in a weak aimless treasure plot, their roles could have been taken by any other comedy duo, and should have been. Got quite uninteresting so I skimmed through the second half just to see if they ever did anything characteristic or interesting. They didn't.

Movies

Cremaster 1 (1996) Fifteen minutes of movie stretched to 40 minutes - that's what makes it art, the tedium. Pretty though. 3/10

After that I tried to watch The American Astronaut (2001) and pretty near died of art poisoning. Thank god I have Mothra movies to watch instead.

Television

Last night at about 8 p.m. I saw that a New Hit Comedy was premiering at 9:30 (they didn't really call it that - only Fox calls every premiere a New Hit Comedy) so I told Donna I would be watching the premiere of a New Hit Comedy and she would be welcome to join me. We almost lasted to the first commercial. I'm not even going to say what it was. If you care that much you can find out about it yourself. Luckily we did have something actually funny to watch - the British SF comedy Hyperdrive (2006-7). I've been checking out recent UK comedies and find they have about a 50% success rate, compared to US's 10%. It's interesting to me that they should have produced so many SF comedies, and many genuinely funny ones, while the "Greatest Nation on Earth" has produced so few and so lousy ones. Hyperdrive is funny in its characters, its script and dialogue, its props and sets, and especially its actors - most notably Nick Frost and Miranda Hart. I think it is funnier than Red Dwarf. Best of all it is something Donna wants to watch too. See it if you can.

Movies

Cyber Ninja (1988) Sometimes I just need to see something really ridiculous. Nutty pre-CG CyberSteamurai absurdity. Anything that looks old, stick some pipes and electronics on it. Giant machines, stick a tile roof on it. Completely goofy and deranged. Gets to be a little Turbo-Rangery in the fight scenes at times but plenty of joyful guffaws at the wild concepts. The opening battle scene between the mechanical Baba Yaga huts and the tank-treaded stone walls with cannons sticking through them sets the tone. I am already running out of adjectives to describe how screwy it is. There's one robot-ninja with a fox-masked sowbug for a head and one with a sort of extending miniature lion mask that blasts a blue storm, and automated ceiling guns that shoot an alphabet ribbon of death. I really liked how some scenes combined models, matte paintings and animated overlays of rays and things. 9/10

Movies

Two short films Donna and I enjoyed together:

Possum Trot - The Life and Work of Calvin Black (1977) - Possum Trot was a mid-desert rock shop and eccentric tourist spectacle created by Calvin and Ruby Black. This film was made after Calvin had died but features some of the recordings he made for his remarkable interactive Fantasy Doll Show. A glimmer of the amazing greatness of his work is shown by stop-motion animation of the stage full of dolls singing and dancing to one of Calvin's squeaky Residents-like songs. This, and the visual impact of the wind-powered animated outdoor figures, and aged lumpish Ruby Black wandering amid the scrub and sand leaves an indefinable emotion lingering long afterward. This is the unique work of a remarkable couple. Praise their names. This film was written by Allie Light and filmed by Irving Saraf, but isn't listed on IMDB and I have no idea how available it is. 10/10

Chess Fever (1925) Silent Russian comedy about a relationship imperiled by the young man's obsession with chess. Features competition footage of the champions of the day, and creates a fantastic vision of a society entirely chess-mad, except for the romantically yearning young woman. Highly enjoyable. Includes kittens. 9/10

Movies

Band Waggon (1940) Film version of the most popular British radio programme of its time, starring Arthur Askey and Richard Murdoch, with Jack Hylton and his orchestra with vocalist Patricia Kirkwood. Askey and Murdoch are evicted from their squat on the roof of the BBC building and eventually find themselves in possession of a pirate television station. I am probably the only person you know who has any knowledge of this at all, having made a bit of a study of the development of British radio comedy via the excellent BBC radio series Laughter In the Air and the unfortunately rare few shows available, like this movie, from the Internet Archive. I'm not sure this would be of much interest to anyone otherwise, but I found it moderately entertaining, with good production numbers from the Hylton band, and some pretty sharp comedy from Askey and Murdoch. 6/10

Kirkwood, Hylton, Askey and Murdoch

Movies

The Noose Hangs High (1948) I had never even heard of this Abbott and Costello movie, produced by Eagle-Lion Pictures. The boys are high altitude window cleaners, naturally, but that pretext is dropped as soon as they get involved with the missing 50Gs gangster Joseph Calleia owes eccentric gambler Leon Errol. This would be a good one to show a person who had never seen an Abbott and Costello movie, as Lou has developed beyond his more obnoxious childlike mannerisms and is genuinely funny, while Bud's badgering and setting him up is sometimes casually malicious. Showcases some of their lesser routines - Mike Mazurki is the foil for I'll Bet You're Not Here, Lou does The Horse's Fodder with Errol, and together the boys go through a meandering version of I Don't Like Mustard. Overall a good, representative film of moderate entertainment value. 6/10

Movies

Crimen ferpecto (Ferpect Crime) 2004 - Extremely witty and original Spanish murder farce. Rafael is a department-store super-salesman and ladies' man who accidentally kills his boss and is blackmailed into marriage by the only witness - the only girl on the floor who wasn't attractive enough for him to notice. Very lively and imaginative cinematography, excellent characterizations and acting, with lots of laughs. Donna enjoyed it too. Good distraction for when you feel like you want to murder someone yourself. Outrageous colorful fun that goes places you won't expect. 9/10

Movies

La diosa arrodillada [The Kneeling Goddess] 1947 - Semi-coherent Mexican melo-noir starring Maria Felix, the most perfectly beautiful woman who ever lived. Off and on obsessive relationship is concretized when she realizes her married lover murdered his wife for her. This is a story of people who make the wrong choices and must inevitably suffer for them. Not such a great script but a top-notch production otherwise. Felix wears a different, astonishing and spectacular costume in each scene. She really is fantastically beautiful and the allure is enhanced by the fact that the kneeling goddess of the title is a full-size nude sculpture of her. I have been hoping for more of her films to be subtitled before I die, and believe she deserves greater worldwide recognition as an outstanding beauty and melodramatic actress. 7/10

Movies

Einbrecher [Burglars] (1930) German "musical comedy of marriage." Elderly manufacturer of music boxes and automatons seeks new husband for his too-young wife, but the only contender seems to be a bemonacled little fop. Not quite Lubitsch, but fairly entertaining and bright, with spontaneous songs, a lively dance number, and a startling night club scene which IMDb says features Sidney Bechet and his band in the Palmengarten bar of Berlin's "Haus Vaterland." Lilian Harvey as the wife is a bit sharp-featured at times but quite a sight with her big fluffy hair, in snugly tailored tops and flowing layered skirts. Of high socio-historic interest, and moderate entertainment value. 6/10

My Learned Friend (1943) Somehow I forgot to list this last week. Action farce with British comics Will Hay and Claude Hulbert as failed lawyers (a con man and a ninny, respectively) attempting to prevent a vengeful ex-con from knocking off one by one the folks who put him in gaol, with Hay's character the final name on the list. A cut above the US factory-made equivalent of the day. 7/10

Movies

The Elegant Life of Mr. Everyman (1963) Sharply satirical Japanese version of the '60s office comedy. The protagonist can't find anyone to go drinking with him after work because he becomes ranting and argumentative, but those are the qualities which attract the attention of the editors of a popular magazine, who compel him to write a column for them. His wandering tales of his inept life and pathetic family become a surprise hit and win a literary award. Finally in a position where people will listen to him, he becomes a tediously babbling jackass boring the hell out of everyone with his inane blather. Innovative technique and presentation help brighten up the story, and it is quite amusing at times. 7/10

Queen Bee (1955) I got this Joan Crawford film to watch with Donna, but misfired again as it seems she likes Crawford films that require her to act, rather than simply be herself, as she does here. It's an over-the-top Southern Gothic melodrama with a neutral innocent arriving at a moss-draped manse (sans southern accents) to plunge into a maelstrom of raging passions. I thought this was the perfect Joan Crawford film - she is so sweet and kind you just can't understand why everyone obviously hates her so, until the claws come out and she goes around the room ripping the guts out of everyone, one by one. Blunt and deranged story which provides everything required and more. Crawford starts the film draped in soft furs, all sweet and bright, and ends it wrapped in shining satin and stiff, glittering metallic gowns like a fierce deadly black-eyebrowed machine. She is utterly inhuman throughout. Donna didn't care much for it but to me it was just right. 10/10

The Astounding She-Monster, poised for the kill.

Uncle Joe (1941) Mild Poverty Row comedy in which pert young Gale Storm is sent by her soap-magnate father to live in the country with eccentric inventor Uncle Joe, to keep her away from her beau, a painter of Metaphysical Abstractions. She pretends to play accordion with the local hillbilly jazz combo, and they all conspire to help the local widow (Zasu Pitts) save her home by winning the limerick contest sponsored by pater's soap company radio show, which provides the excuse for simply dropping in a few unrelated songs by unfamiliar performers. Overall quite watchable and amusing. 7/10

Movies

The Abbott and Costello project has slowed because of the sudden appearance of more interesting movies, but here is what I have up to this point: I skipped Hit the Ice (1943) and In Society (1944), remembering them quite well, but of course watched the Bagel Street/Susquehanna Hat routine in In Society, which I consider one of the best vaudeville routines in history - surreal, atrocious and pointlessly destructive, pure hilarity. Likewise I passed on Lost in a Harem, (1944), Here Come the Co-eds and The Naughty Nineties (1945), the latter containing their best-known rendition of Who's On First, which I want never to see again. 1945's In Hollywood is a backlot chaser with surprisingly few guest cameos, considering it was just a wander through various imaginary films-in-progress. It was harmless and unmemorable. Little Giant (1946) I likewise passed up, having seen it quite a few times - I consider it their best work, with a coherent plot that makes good use of their personality traits and keeps them as the stars of the film for once. The Time of Their Lives (1946) is an odd story, with Costello and ingenue Marjorie Reynolds as ghosts from the Revolutionary War cursed to haunt their resting place until proof is found they were not traitors. Abbott is a neurotic pill-popping psychiatrist and the boys do no interacting beyond Lou kicking Bud in the rear once or twice, him being invisible and all. Not too bad a film, but unusual. For 1947, Buck Privates Come Home I passed over, in favor of The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap, with the boys as traveling salesmen in the old west. Their visit to a lawless town puts Lou in charge of a widow whose husband he supposedly killed, said widow being Marjorie Main who can raise a movie from the dead. Not too remarkable other than that. At this point they seem to have used up all their old routines and are going on personality alone, maybe not such a good idea. When Lou gets going, Bud vanishes from the screen. More to come, eventually.