I EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to all the folks out there who work so hard to make themselves look ridiculous in elaborate ways requiring continuous effort, expense, maintenance and pain. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, "What a hideous old coot, getting more wretched and repulsive every day."  Then I remember all the people with their rainbow heads and ratty dreads, implanted skull knobs and lumpy lip jobs, hunks of metal hanging off their faces and even uglier places, and I realize I could get dragged through a mudhole by a garbage truck and still look like I got gussied up to shake hands with the Queen compared to those dopey looking scribbled up goofbags.  Thank you, you dumb jerks, for reminding me that I am not just smarter than you, but better looking too.