Movies

Queens of Langkasuka a.k.a. The Tsunami Warrior (2008) Thai historic-magical fantasy pits pirates against a walled city and mystic warriors against the pirates. Very digitally enhanced in a way that puts it in an alternate universe without being jarring. Elaborately detailed and broken into sequences and vignettes in a way I found very interesting, with the fighting kept to brief bursts and not dragged out tediously. It's not exactly like anything I have ever seen, and that is good. 6/10

Around the World Under the Sea (1966) Submarine adventure involving the placement of a global network of earthquake detectors on the sea floor, which wasn't quite as boring as I expected. There is a lot of inconsequential fish footage, and some contrived disasters, as well as gender conflicts due to the single female aboard, but the cast includes middle-of-the road performers like Keenan Wynn, David McCallum and Marshall Thompson to keep it from getting too exciting. Not bad. 5/10

Carambolages (1963) French black comedy in which a young man finds himself rapidly climbing the corporate ladder when his superiors begin dying one by one. I watched this to see what the deal was with comic actor Louis de Funes, but I may have to see one of his other films to get the full effect. In general I think the French were wise to conceal these films from the world. 6/10

Movies

Im Staub der Sterne (1976) East German SF film, extremely colorful and cheesy with garishly painted plywood sets and lots of scantily clad dancing girls. Elicited crows of joyous laughter from me at its delightful presentation, somewhat on the level of TV's Space 1999 - wonderful futuristic costumes, brightly-lit sets (a very early use of cheap vacuum-formed items stuck to the walls and painted silver, possibly influenced by the design of Silent Running) and surprising locations, including what appears to be a vast salt mine and a bizarre sculpture park. Fun to see. 7/10

Millie (1931) Conventional melodrama of the Modern Woman, starting with a divorce and ending with a trial scene. I watched it primarily to see what the deal is with Helen Twelvetrees who is presented here as possessing alluring qualities not readily apparent to me, and to enjoy the too-brief appearances of Joan Blondell. Not the worst thing I've seen this week, nice night club scenes. 5/10

Movies

Penthouse (1933) Society lawyer gets embroiled with gangsters and "night club hostesses" in this better-than-average light drama. Warner Baxter is an interchageable thin-moustached leading man who does his job well, but Myrna Loy is the real standout, making everyone around her look good by being so good herself. Lots of slinky gowns, but I don't care for the huge bow plastered across the front like a bib collar. A well-crafted story with a lot going on, which skirts around the usual cliches. Definitely a cut above the usual light crime drama, and worth seeking out. 8/10

La Cabeza Viviente (1966) A Mexican "head on a table" movie; this time it is the head of an aztec warrior. The ancient living head's perfectly preserved servitor enacts revenge on the profaners of the tomb, while the high priestess' spirit possesses the Professor's Daughter. As head on a table movies go, this is as good as any. I just enjoy these Mexican movies from Churubusco Azteca - they are the Mexican RKO, adequately entertaining with the occasional odd concept. 5/10

Movies

The Richest Girl in the World (1934) Miriam Hopkins and Joel McCrea in a silly farce showing how terribly inconvenient it is to be unbelievably wealthy. Hopkins is the Girl, who wants to be loved just for herself so badly that she makes it virtually impossible - as a test. She's peppy as hell and cute as a bug and I'd be all over her in a chinese minute if she were not so damn neurotic. If it hit you in the right mood or you hadn't already seen about twenty of these this might be as gay and charming as intended, but I get cranky when the movie could be brought to an abrupt end if any one of half a dozen characters spoke a single sentence, and that is the whole plot of this movie, that nobody does that. So for me, 4/10

Movies

Cry Tough (1959) John Saxon is a first-generation Puerto Rican American faced with the choice between drudgery and crime. A very nice New York independent production with many familiar faces from movies and TV, and a fine performance by Joseph Calleia as the father. 7/10

Flying High (1931) Formulaic aviation comedy of interest to me primarily for the Busby Berkeley dance numbers, but this is the first time I have seen Bert Lahr in something other than a lion costume. Charlotte Greenwood is his comedy mate, and Pat O'Brien takes the leading man role. Fills the time adequately. 5/10

La Nave de los Monstruos (1960) This Mexican singing-cowboy vs. space-monster movie was my choice for a completely ridiculous Family Movie Night. Women from Venus are wandering the galaxy in search of men, but until they arrive at last on Earth they find nothing but crazy looking monsters which they keep frozen in blocks of ice. The most appealing feature of this film for me is the spectacular Lorena Velasquez, also seen in Planet of the Amazon Women. Silly robot, crazy rocket set, nice space model shots probably lifted from another film, goofy monster suits, and of course a singing cowboy still can't overcome its basically soporific nature but it was fun anyway. 7/10

Lorena Velasquez: Beautiful but deadly

Freejack (1992) A chase movie in which Emilio Estevez is snatched from a fatal car crash into the dystopian future of 2009 for a rich man's mind transplant. Lots of running, shooting, driving, crashing, getting chased by non-actor Mick Jagger, and things blowing up; but the numerous huge bloblike cars of the future were great. Also great is any opportunity to enjoy charming Amanda Plummer, here endearing as a shotgun-wielding crotch-kicking nun. It's all kind of stupid but mostly fun. 6/10

What we will drive in 2009

Movies

The Midnight Story (1957) Crime drama set in San Francisco's North Beach Italian community. Tony Curtis must leave the police force to find the murderer of a universally beloved priest. The outstanding performance is by Gilbert Roland, and I always enjoy seeing Marisa Pavan, but it's all very well done. If you need a good normal movie to watch this will do fine. 8/10

The Canary Murder Case (1929) William Powell stars as Philo Vance in this startlingly primitive film, seemingly a transitional form between silents and talkies. Iconic Louise Brooks makes a brief appearance but her lines are crudely dubbed by someone else, and great pains are taken to avoid having her speak on camera - most of her lines are delivered out of shot or seen from behind, but at one point she actually backs behind a screen before speaking. Dubya Tee Eff as the young folk say. The acting is all flat and poor, with even skilled actors like Powell and Eugene Pallette delivering their lines as if they'd just been read to them for the first time moments before the camera started rolling. A learning experience, not fully watchable. 2/10

Movies

Destination Inner Space (1966) I saw this at a Saturday matinee when it was new, and still enjoy it though its flaws are more evident. Undersea lab is attacked by amphibious alien from a flying swimming saucer, using the same background music as Angry Red Planet. Nice work on the functional swimming monster suit, not really thrilling but fun enough. James Hong plays the Chinese cook. 5/10

She Had to Say Yes (1933) Busby Berkeley had it in his contract that he could direct whole movies, not just dance sequences, and this is one he co-directed. Loretta Young and Lyle Talbot star in a lite melodrama about a garment manufacturer's use of its stenographic pool to entertain buyers, and the consequences thereof. Opens with a signature Berkeley montage of pretty secretaries and busy typewriters. Nothing to telegraph home about, but there is considerably more innuendo and implication than I expected, and nifty layered two-tone gowns by Orry-Kelly. Hugh Herbert plays it as straight as I have ever seen him, as one of the lecherous businessmen. 5/10

Movies

Shutter Island (2010) Scorsese's psychological mystery thriller set in an island hospital for the criminally insane shows that Leonardo De Caprio is one of the best actors of our day, and Scorsese one of the most highly skilled of directors. One problem I had with Inception was that, though it ostensibly took place in dreams, it was not really dreamlike. This is far more effective at creating a disorienting dreamlike world with subtle, wily trickery and discontinuities. Captivating, disturbing and beautiful from the first moment. 10/10

Movies

Toy Story 3 (2010) Contrived, maudlin and unnecessary "reunion show," left me feeling angry.

Lady of the Night (1925) Anodyne to the modern crap I have been forcing myself to endure, Norma Shearer plays a double role as rich girl and poor girl in love with the same man. A nice little melodrama, showcasing Shearer's real talents - as an actress in the silent screen style. The expressiveness of her wide, open face and body language convey more than words could speak. Nothing challenging about the story, just pleasant to watch. 6/10

A simple solution to the "gun problem."

Gun ownership is a clear indicator of stupidity. Owning guns doesn't make people stupid; being stupid makes people own guns. Only a very few gun owners are not stupid. They are crazy. If you own a gun, or want to own a gun, or think owning a gun is a good idea, you may be crazy, but you are probably just stupid. Or you may be both. If you own a gun, or want to own a gun, or think owning a gun is a good idea, and you think you are not stupid, you may be crazy, but you are probably just wrong. Because you are stupid. If you disagree with this assessment, you are wrong; maybe because you are crazy but probably just because you are stupid. The solution to the "gun problem" is this - if you own a gun or want to own a gun, you are too stupid or crazy to be permitted to own one. Probably just stupid. Problem solved.

Movies

Sextette (1978) Mae West crawled out of her grave for this unmusical musical unfunny comedy. I swear I thought my face was going to freeze forever in a grimace of painful horror from seeing that scary old grandma hobbling around, croaking vile lewd one-liners. The songs were uniformly as deranged and ghastly as the very worst songs in Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band, which is as bad as a cover of a song in a movie can possibly be. It was absolutely nightmarish and agonizing. It's not as bad as the Village People movie Can't Stop the Music, but that is the ONLY MOVIE EVER MADE that it is not as bad as. Rating: NEGATIVE INFINITY MINUS ONE. That's just one short of negative infinity, and the second worst rating any movie could ever have.

On the other hand:

I had read the first volume of the Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010) comics a couple of years ago and the only difference I could see between it and all the other dozens and dozens of independent comics I have read about the relationship problems of an unemployed hipgeek in a rock band was that it was cartoony fiction instead of painful and embarrassing autobiography like all the rest. So when this movie came out I just ignored it. However, this is the month I am trying to get caught up on some of last year's more interesting seeming movies and I was completely unprepared for how extremely witty, inventive, well-written and well-made this was. Jam-packed with imaginative gimmickry, sharp dialogue, sweet cute romance and hugely farcical action, it is only the somewhat excessive and tiring final spectacle which keeps me from giving it a 10. But it is the kind of movie that makes you feel cool just to be watching it, so it's 9/10.

Movies

For the Love of Mary (1948) Deanna Durbin is a switchboard operator at the White House who is so incredibly appealing that Supreme Court justices and the President himself intervene in her love life. It's amazing what a complicated comedy of errors it becomes. She sings a bit too. Nothing explodes, nobody shoots at anyone or crashes through a window, no huge things come rushing at you. It's just funny and nice. Edmond O'Brien is one of the handsome young suitors. 7/10

Supernatural (1933) Phony psychic tries to scam heiress Carole Lombard, but she becomes possessed by the vengeful spirit of his ex-girlfriend, a recently executed Mad Strangler. Really skewed concept, well presented. I like Lombard in the '30s and this is a uniquely weird film. 8/10

Movies

I have been trying this week to watch some recent movies, of the sort normal people like, but am not having a lot of luck. I choose things which have elements I find appealing - fantasy or animation. I was unable to watch more than 20 minutes of most of them, simply because they are STUPID, and compounded entirely of cliches punctuated by huge things rushing toward the viewer. Alice in Wonderland is especially painful in that there wasn't a single person associated with the production with sense enough to go to Tim Burton and tell him that Jabberwocky was the name of the poem, not the creature; that the creature was a jabberwock, not a jabberwocky. Also painful was the fact that Danny Elfman has fallen asleep with his head on the keyboard of his mellotron and needs someone to kick the damn stool out from under him. Apparently that one trick of having a crowd of women all saying ah is enough of a creative challenge for him. I'd like to tie them together and dangle them over a shark pit, exclaiming "Gothfag your way out of THAT you pussy-assed bastards!" Clash of the Titans appears to be deliberately compounded of the worst aspects of modern film technique - for god's sake never let the camera rest in one place for even a moment - keep it constantly swooping through and around CG landscapes and cities, craning across sets the exact shape and size of a soundstage, or dancing around in closeup faux cinema verite. How to Train Your Dragon is a Dreamworks animation so you know that cool thing they do in all the other movies? Let's do that because that would be cool. Plus let's give our vikings irish accents. Because vikings are from Ireland, right? Or someplace like that. Made it through ten minutes of that crap. Strangely it was Salt, essentially a video game in which Angelina Jolie is an unstoppable superspy, that I actually found watchable. It was just intelligent enough in concept and structure to gloss over its fundamentally moronic basis and make a fairly entertaining experience, though the shooting and fighting were so broken up into microshots that it was impossible to follow the blur of activity - maybe that made it more tolerable. I guess I should try one of those movies where a bunch of women learn truths of life and love, or maybe one of those football movies.

Movies

Mummy's Boys (1936) Comedy duo Wheeler and Woolsey are a pair of ditch diggers who join an archaeological expedition plagued by a mummy's curse. A lot of chasing around, not as much vaudeville-style presentation as some of their other films and thus not as interesting to me. 3/10

Inception (2010) Good concept, well executed, but a bit heavy on the noise and stuff crashing into other stuff and things blowing up for my tastes. In short, too big and expensive. I'd like to see the same idea pared down to its basics and presented as simply as an old Outer Limits episode. 6/10

Movies

Mystery of Edwin Drood (1935) Probably as good a movie as you could make of this in 1935, with Claude Rains hamming it up a bit as the villain, and a mostly unfamiliar cast otherwise. If you just want a quick rendition of the story to give you an idea of what it is about, this will do. My choice for Family Movie Night, it left us unmoved. 4/10

A couple of nights ago we watched Trouble In Paradise (1932), an okay Ernst Lubitsch drawing-room comedy. When I got it from the library last year nobody was interested, but if someone else recommends a thing then it becomes a must-see. Has some funny bits, but I don't care for Kay Francis or Herbert Marshall. 5/10

On my own I watched How to Date an Otaku Girl (2009) also known as Fujoshi kanojo and My Geeky Girlfriend. Kind of the flip side of the smash hit Train Man, this time it is the girl who is obsessed with comics, animation and boy-love fantasy. I see some of that sort of stuff but I wanted to see it in context. The hapless male is dragged along to a Butler Cafe, where women are served delicate pastries by beautiful young men, costume shops, and comic book stores catering to women's fantasies of pretty boys making out with each other. It develops into a serious romance story, with each having to overcome different obstacles to find true love. Mostly educational, but it makes learning fun. 5/10

Movies

Chelovek Amfibiya (Amphibian Man) - 1962: Soviet science-fantasy romantic melodrama, which I assume was filmed in Cuba. Boy meets girl in mid-shark-attack, but the boy is the silver-clad amphibian man, having been implanted with gills by his scientist father to rectify a lung ailment. Much of the appeal of the love story is in the charismatic and charming leads, Anastasiya Vertinskaya and Vladimir Koronev, with Mikhail Kozakov as villain. I'm sure the exotic and colorful locales helped to make it a huge sensation in the USSR when it was released. Very well-produced with great modern sets in the scientist's lab. More for education than entertainment at this point in history, but fairly enjoyable. Putting Vertinskaya in a bathing suit that becomes transparent when wet was a wise choice. 6/10

He's the Bad Guy.

Movies

Mantrap (1953) Also known as Man in Hiding, this is an interesting little contemporary thriller from Hammer studios. Paul Henreid becomes involved with an escaped convict in search of the real killer. Nice to look at, keeps you guessing. 6/10

Here Is My Heart (1934) Bing Crosby is a millionaire radio crooner who must masquerade as a waiter to woo a Russian princess, played by Kitty Carlisle. Supporting actors include William Frawley and Akim Tamiroff. Light and harmless, with their duets better than I expected. 5/10

Movies

Cracked Nuts (1931) Comedy duo Wheeler and Woolsey are competing to be king of a generic comedy kingdom of that era, and perform what is essentially a series of standup routines and burlesque sketches with various straightmen and women. With Edna May Oliver as the obstacle to Bert Wheeler's marital bliss, and Boris Karloff as a shiny-haired schemer. One routine involving mapping out a battle plan includes an early fragment of Who's On First, with a town named What. Q: What's the name of the town? A: That's right! As a scholar of the history of comedy I found this enjoyable. 5/10

Palmy Days (1931) A slightly more sophisticated musical comedy starring Eddie Cantor as a lucky fool who falls into a high-paying job as an efficiency expert in an ultramodern bakery staffed by hundreds of lovely young women in backless minidresses or backlit transparent skirts. Their daily fitness routines are choreographed by Busby Berkeley. Charles Middleton, remembered as Flash Gordon's nemesis Emperor Ming, is a phony psychic after the company bonus money, and George Raft is one of his henchmen. Silly entertainment. 6/10

Paradise.

Movies

Trapped by the Mormons (1922) Silent British exploitation film depicting Mormons as having only one goal - to lure young women into sexual slavery in Salt Lake City. The lead Mormon is a mesmerist and conman who fakes a raising from the dead to dupe his victims. A primitive and blatant presentation, fairly entertaining and certainly educational. 5/10

Mormons - they seem so nice at first.

Movies

Don't Tell the Wife (1937) Guy Kibbee and Una Merkel get top billing in this RKO bill-filler. Merkel is the wife of a Wall Street Hustler, Kibbee the duffer duped into fronting for a phony gold mine company. Takes the idea and runs with it, then flips it around in the last reel so justice is served and virtue rewarded. Some good laughs, but it emits sleep-rays through the middle third which almost put both of us out. You could do worse. 4/10

The Face of Marble (1946) I'll bet you anything that someone at Monogram Studios said, "We need a movie called The Face of Marble and this is when we need it by." Completely incoherent script from start to finish, especially the finish. John Carradine is a scientist working on a means of reviving the dead, but the revived fall under the sway of his voodoo housekeeper and gain the ability to walk through closed doors. A revived dog becomes a sort of ghost vampire. The titular face is a momentary side-effect of the revival process which plays no part in the proceedings. A ridiculous muddle of pseudo-science and voodoo with flashing neon and spark machines, directed by champion hack William Beaudine. The best feature of the film is statuesque Maris Wrixon, who spends most of her screen time in a luscious satin nightgown. This movie stands as evidence that a really lousy script can be far more entertaining than a pretty good one. 6/10

Maris Wrixon, an ornament to any laboratory.

Movies

Signale - Ein Weltraumabaenteuer (1970) East German formulaic Space Expedition film. Great models and sets, beautifully filmed, but incredibly slow-paced and lacking in dynamic qualities. Sadly boring. 3/10

Johnny Stool Pigeon (1949) Howard Duff, Shelley Winters and Dan Duryea in a William Castle drug-smuggling drama. A competent script and good actors transcend Castle's slightly crude directorial technique. Shelley Winters is still pretty cute here, Duryea deserves a little more recognition as a reliable supporting actor, but Duff is stonefaced and not very appealing as a protagonist. A pretty good crime action drama. 6/10